Autobiographical Narrative Rough Draft: Old view of person X vs. New view of person X

As we entered Rafael’s Mexican Restaurant, an outside observer could have easily confused this dinner for a first date. In a way, it really felt a lot like a first date. Sean was on his best behavior, and he had taken more care with his appearance than he had probably done in nine months. He made sure to rush to open every door, and there were awkward pauses in conversation where I could tell he was looking for just the right thing to say.

Sean probably felt that this was his night. This would be his night to prove that he could change enough to salvage our relationship that in my month had been dead for months. Tonight, he could prove to me how dull and lonely my life would be without him. That he was irreplaceable, and that he had ruined me for other men.

I felt that tonight was my night. At last, I could make him squirm for one last night before I bid him goodbye. I felt I could be in control. However, a small part of me was really cheering for Sean. Surely, he could just change a few things for both of us. I didn’t want to have to be alone again either. However, I knew any hope I had for a fresh start was just a dream. Any chance for a healthy relationship had disappeared long ago. This date as a chance for me put him through the criticism I had endured for the past six months.

Our first date had been nearly a year before, but neither of us considered this much of an anniversary. I remember how comfortable he made me feel from the first day we met. For once I felt that I could truly be myself with someone else, and I thought this must be love. Everything felt so easy, because I didn’t have to worry about how I looked or the crazy things I said. I was able to be more honest and open with him than anyone else in my life.

As our relationship progressed, I was able to tell him things I had never told anyone before. However as I felt we were getting closer, something changed. Maybe the acceptance and comfort I felt from the beginning of the relationship were never there. Perhaps we had both just settled so that we would have someone else rather than be alone. For months I had tried to repair our relationship and remedy my unhappiness, by trying to find ways to make him happy. I believe that surely if he was happy, he would try to find ways to make me happy as well. In reality, he had pretty well abandoned worrying about me, and he was primarily focused on getting his own needs taken care of.

I would like to think that Sean changed over the year we dated, but that just isn’t the case. I allowed myself to be blinded to the real person he was, and I hoped that I could change him and help improve his life. It was probably with the best of intentions that I had at the beginning of our relationship, but I was a fool to become involved with someone that I felt needed so many fundamental changes. Clearly, many of his problems had been ingrained in him over the years.

Sitting in the booth at Rafael’s, conversation seemed to become increasingly more difficult. I couldn’t even look at Sean anymore. I just looked over his shoulder and attempted to entertain myself with the other tables. It wasn’t even a matter of us no longer sharing the same interests. I had always appreciated our different tastes, but Sean could no longer be bothered to even listen to the things that interested me. Quite frankly, most of what Sean had to say just bored me. I realized sitting in the restaurant and watching the other couples and families enjoying their company and time spent together, that I was only prolonging the inevitable and making this break up even more painful for both of us.

I had really tried to give Sean a second chance. I’m not the type of person that can just make their complaints and then walk away from someone when they seem as if they want to make the situation better and change. However, I found out that night that it was a lot more talk than action. I had never had elaborate, long-term plans for what our life could be like together, but I had always had my own personal goals and plans for a family one day. Sean seemed to be able to just sort of float through life. He went day to day, week to week, month to month with no plans or goals at all other than getting through that day or finding something to occupy his time. Honestly, it was depressing just for me as an outside observer. I sort of grilled him that night on what his plans were, and I told him I couldn’t continue to have a relationship with him if he wasn’t doing anything to personally advance himself. He had relied on me for entertainment and his sole social outlet for nearly a year, and it was exhausting and pretty boring for me. He probably thought he was making a true effort, but I could tell he wasn’t going to carry any of his plans out. Sean would be living off of his parents in pursuit of a degree until they finally got sick of it and cut him off. It was sad for me to see a man, three years older than me, who had been in school for at least five years, with absolutely nothing to show for his life.

I decided it was time for my pity to stop. I needed to get away from him for my own good as well as his. That night made it clear in my mind that the only way to end it, and really be fair to be of us would be just to make a clean break. I haven’t really talked to him since the break-up, and I really hope that it helped him realize he needs to get his life together. Sadly, I’m afraid he is still up to the same stuff he was when we were together. Honestly, for once in my life this break-up gave me the strength to realize that I am a pretty special person, and I deserve much more than I ever expected before. Breaking up with Sean was one of the hardest things ever had to do. It wasn’t just breaking up with someone, but it was that our relationship was one of the only good things left in his life. I really hope that it benefited him as well. No reason that we should both basically be unhappy in a relationship. In the end though, my experience with him, taught me that my own happiness is really my primary concern regardless of how much I want to help those I love.

Narrative Plot

By May 2006, I had been dating Sean for a year, and I had been unhappy in the relationship for about 6 months of that time. The relationship had started simply enough when a friend of mine had suggested that “I just have some fun for the summer.” However, somehow I managed to become trapped into something that became much more serious than it was ever intended to be. I look back and wonder how or even why I would allow myself to become emotionally entangled in something that provided me with nothing that I desired. I like to think that at least I have grown since then, and that I learned something from the relationship.

I met Sean when my attempts to start dating one of his friends failed terribly. It was funny that he never even realized how I had felt about his friend. The relationship was probably doomed from the start, because we were both expecting different things. He was just sort of convenient, and the whole relationship developed out of what I had considered a friendship. I basically made a lot of concessions about what I wanted from a partner just so that I wouldn’t be alone.

As the relationship went on, it became clear that it was more and more about what Sean wanted while he was contributing very little. All it took for him to get his way was a whine, pout, or conflict. It seemed I was so afraid of being alone or making someone else unhappy that I was willing to give into whatever he wanted. I probably would have been happier going to the movies and restaurants alone and spending Saturday nights by myself. We really didn’t share any common interests and honestly he tended to bore me. I spent so much time trying to keep him happy that I gave up hobbies and interests that kept me happy, and I spent much less time on schoolwork. I lost sight of a lot of my priorities, because he was always there needing a friend. I think that from the very beginning I believed that I could help or change him, but the opposite ended up happening. Being involved with Sean resulted in me becoming a much less interesting and happy person. However, an outside opinion helped me realize I should end the relationship, and it allowed me to take lessons learned out of the relationship.

Friends and especially family members had been telling me for months that basically Sean was a total loser, and he added nothing to my life. I had found myself embarrassed to bring him to social functions or introduce him to friends. All of this basically resulted in me becoming much more isolated. After enough time, Sean was really my only friend left as I cut off communication with friends and avoided spending time with people other than Sean. Finally, an unlikely source came to me and basically told me I could find someone much better than my boyfriend. It was actually one of his friends, and he couldn’t just stand by and watch me put up with everything that I had for so long. He helped me realize that even if I was alone, it was an improvement over my life in my relationship with him. If I broke up with him, I could finally be happy being myself and doing the things that I wanted to do. He basically helped me and coached me through the whole break up process. Breaking up was extremely difficult and intimidating for me. I had never actually had to break up with someone before, and I really couldn’t see myself just cutting someone off. It basically took me 2 weeks from the initial decision and a lot of support from friends to be able to end the relationship. Looking back the whole thing seems pretty silly, but I thought that it was the end for me, and I couldn’t imagine my life without the comfort and continuity the relationship had provided me with for the past year.

Developing Character

When I met my boyfriend, Sean, I thought he was laidback, intelligent, funny, and just weird enough to be interesting. I started dating him, because I thought he was a lot like me. I always strive to keep things interesting, and I never like to openly admit that I am ever bored. My philosophy is that people allow themselves to be bored so I always try to make my own fun. I have always been comfortable spending time alone, and I am not threatened by silence in a room. It is interesting how people allow relationships to blind themselves from reality, and the differences that exist. I have come to realize a lot about myself since my break up with Sean, and I think I have made some changes for the better. Looking back now, I don’t think I saw the real person back then. I think I really saw what I thought I could mold Sean into. It was his unique personality that really attracted me to him. He was different than most of the people I have been friends with. However, a lot of what made him different also made him become someone I was sort of ashamed to share with family and friends.

I have never exactly been a social butterfly. I have always enjoyed having a tight knit group of friends rather than a lot of acquaintances. I would much rather stay in typically than go out to a bar or club, but I do enjoy spending time with small groups of friends. I have always considered myself shy, and I think that it has cost me opportunities and taken some enjoyment away from my life. That is why when I went off to college I decided that I would try to be a bit more outgoing. I have always surrounded myself with friends that are a bit more outgoing so that I am pushed into doing things I wouldn’t consider possible on my own. I think Sean was sort of similar in this regard. I basically met him when I started hanging out with a group of his friends from high school that I met while working at the campus recreation center. He was definitely a different person within the context of this group than he was during the majority of his time.

At first, I really wouldn’t have been attracted to him, and thinking back on it I really can’t see now what I found so appealing. He really hasn’t had much success in his life, and he’s not a particularly attractive or charismatic person. Perhaps I am biased in light of the break up, but now I think negatively about a lot of the thing I used to try to make excuses for. He failed out of his first year of college, and he has since been living at home with his parents. I didn’t want to be superficial when I first met him so I tried to see beyond his failures. I figure everyone should be given second chances, and I know that I have failed many times in my life. However, I now think it’s time for people to stop giving him chances. I try not to think that anyone is helpless or lazy, but I really think that other people have handicapped Sean. It has been five years since he moved home from college, and it doesn’t seem as if he is much further along than he was back then. He is still attending a junior college, and he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. I can understand lacking direction, but it seems as if he just doesn’t care about anything in his life. He totally lives off of his parents, and despite the fact, that he doesn’t care about school and doesn’t put much effort forth; he refuses to get even a part-time job. I believe that if his parents don’t take some action and start practicing tough love, he may still be living off of them and attending junior college when they start to think about retiring.

“Set the Scene”: Old self vs. New self

Southwestern University appears to be an ideal, small liberal arts college. It is situated within a small city twenty-six miles north of Austin, Georgetown, TX. The buildings match the construction of much of the city, and they are constructed out of limestone, which is mined locally. Landscaping and maintenance at the campus is constantly being watched over. In fact, whenever you mention that you attend Southwestern University to someone, the likely response is “oh my dear, that campus I beautiful.” The campus is small and controlled. Everything is perfectly planned to provide the optimal college experience and maintain the impeccable appearance of Southwestern. Most of the 1200 students that attend Southwestern come from middle to upper class families and during the weekdays you can see them scurrying about campus from class to activities and back to the student housing. The majority of the students live on campus to enhance their liberal arts education. The focal point of the campus is “the academic mall.” This is a large circle of undeveloped land that is surrounded by trees that follow the main pathway around the buildings of Southwestern. The main academic buildings form a circle around the academic mall with the library in the center just south of the grassy mall. During the day, you can see students sprawled out in the sunshine on blankets reading and studying for their classes. Southwestern reflects the small, friendly atmosphere that the town around it embodies. Everywhere you see a friendly, familiar face, and it is easy to spot outsiders or strangers.

In contrast to Southwestern University is the University of Houston, which is located within the metropolitan city of Houston. The Southwestern campus could probably fit into the parking lot that surrounds the football stadium at the University of Houston. There seem to be people busy at work here both day and night, weekdays and weekends. Buildings seem to be built much more for function rather than presenting a sparkling image. However, new buildings on campus are beautiful images of modern architecture. Streets and parking lots lace through the campus full of cars. The campus seems to embody the spirit of a large city. People come and go from the University much more frequently during the day. However, there is still more beauty here than many would expect from a large university in a city like Houston. There are many trees and grassy areas on campus. A large pool with fountains in the middle of the liberal arts college’s buildings provides beauty and a place for students to relax and study in between classes. There are benches throughout the campus for students to enjoy the nicer days Houston occasionally offers. When you walk around the campus, there are many more faces to see. You could easily blend into the crowd, but it is nice to see such diversity coming together to gain an education.